Friday, November 06, 2009

Ladies: Four Questions not to ask an astrologer about men

Recently I got some comments, public and private, begging me to do readings again. It's mostly from women begging me to tell them about their true love and when he's going to change or will he change, or is he telling me the truth when he says he's just not into me?

I know I'm coming off as more Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura than Hug Bug at the moment, but I think a little tough love may be the higher choice, even if it means there are some hurt feelings.

Ladies, really! Do you want honest answers to the most commonly asked questions astrologers get about men? Okay, let me tackle the most common relationship questions I have gotten the past 20 years as an astrologer, and my common responses. Because I don't need to see the charts to know the answers to any of them.

Question 1:

Does he really love me?

I won't answer this question even if I get a strong impression. Ask him, not me. He knows his own heart better than any astrologer or psychic. If the answer is yes, then there isn't a problem. And if the answer is no ... then as hard as that is, at least you know. If it will injure your friendship, it's not a strong friendship in the first place, and you are better off knowing sooner rather than later. Asking me won't absolve you of the necessity of eventually asking him! And while it's rare, I could be wrong. My opinion might be entertaining or distracting, but in the end, irrelevant. There is just no reason to put it off. Ask him!

Question 2:

He says he just wants to be friends. Or he's not into me, won't marry me. Please tell me if this is really true.

What, do you really want me to tell you he's crazy or lying, that the relationship really will work out and that love conquers all? My heart sinks when I get these questions, because the way I see it, heartbreak is invariably in the forecast. There are two possible options here. Either he is telling the truth (and he likely is, if he's worthy of your love), or he's a crazy, indecisive liar. Ask yourself, is it really in your best interest to hang around waiting for a crazy, indecisive liar to make up his mind? The status quo may suck, but the alternative could be far worse in the long run. Take him at his word.

When a guy tells you "I don't love you" or "I just want to be friends" ... believe him, and if you truly love him, let him go. Remember that old saying ... If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. Oh, and don't wait around for him to come a knockin', there are plenty of fish in the ocean, go hook one worth the catching.

Question 3:

"When will he come back?" or "When will he leave his wife/the other woman and marry me?"

Ugh! I hate that question. You already know the answer is never ... hopefully! C'mon! We both know you deserve better! These boots were made for walkin' says it all.

Question 4:

"When will he change?"

Let me ask you a question ... did you hook up with or marry this guy, or a mental picture of who he was going to be when you "fixed" him? It's not him that really needs to change. He's not going to change in the vast majority of cases, the changing is going to be up to you. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So the question really is whether you love him enough to accept him as he is, or is it better that you move on? I'm not answering that question for you, it's not my job. If it doesn't work out, next next time, remember to ask this question before you walk down the aisle (or exchange keys as the case may be): "Do I love him for who he really is, or for who I think I can make him into being?" ... if it is the latter, girls, that's control and it may be attachment, but it's not love.

I know that many astrologers make a good living answering these questions. Some will claim to be able to answer them accurately. Some will even tell you what you want to hear. You may even have an "ooh wow" moment when you get the reading as they tell you things about yourself that they shouldn't know. But in the end, the "ooh wow" moment doesn't change anything. What really might change something is if you take a deep, long look at yourself. Forget about "him" for the moment (especially if you are asking any of the above questions). How can you lead a happier, more fulfilling life? What is the best next step you can take for your own happiness? How can you make your relationship (this one or the next one) better and more fulfilling? Astrology can be a lot more useful answering those questions.


Suzi Dronzek, Starcana said...

Just an awesome post!

Dr. Atul said...

Being an Astrologer, we usually come across some common but funny questions.

Some of them are

"My exams are due next month and My Jupiter period is running. Do I still need to study hard?"

"I am a late riser. I think this is due to Sun in my ascendent. Please tell me some remedies so that I can wake up early"

I hope some day I do not encounter a question like "I forgot my email account passowrd. Can you tell me what was that?" :))


Brandi Jasmine said...

Thank you Dr. Atul ... you made me laugh out loud today! I needed that!

priyamvada said...

ha..ha...nice writeup!!...being an astrologer is a tough job...

Unknown said...

Okay, so those are obviously ridiculous questions to ask, but how do you go about doing readings for specific people?

like, letting someone know how a relationship may or may not work, etc. I don't really need to know "if he loves me" blah fucking blah. I mostly just want to see someone elses opinion on the matter.

Brandi Jasmine said...

I personally don't do very many readings anymore. The questions above give you some ideas why ... but I do know some awesome people doing readings. Astrologer Wendy Guy at does a wonderful job. She'll focus on your strengths, challenges, and as an astrologer can be very precise where it comes to certain kinds of questions. I highly recommend her work.

Skye Alexander said...

Thanks for a forthright post. It's hard to believe we women are still asking the same old questions after all these years--and still deluding ourselves as we look to men to fulfill our fantasies. Our mothers didn't do us any favors by reading us those Cinderella fairy tales.

Skye Alexander
author of "Planets in Signs" and "Magickal Astrology"